Anxiety & Panic Attacks

Stationary London Bus Sketch, outside cafe in Brockley, London.

This is the where the bus ends and starts its journey again into the West End of London. I used to get a London bus like this one (the 172) to work - as far as Aldwych and then walk the rest to Covent Garden, not a long journey. Before that I used to cycle everywhere in London - for about 25 years. Over the years I would ride to Bow, St Johns Wood, Camden, Notting Hill, Islington, Soho, Shepherd’s Bush, Clapham, Richmond and Bromley. I used to love it and prefer it to the stress of the tubes or the trains. One of the main reasons was the onset of anxiety and panic I started to experience on the Tube having previously travelled on it oblivious to any worry. During one journey I had what I later discovered had been a panic attack and passed out for a few moments. It wasn’t even a busy journey full of commuters (“sardines”) and I was sitting at the time. But the feeling of panic just began to sweep over me after that moment. My heart was racing and I felt like I couldn’t breathe whilst my mind was completely out of control. Once I came to I had to get out of of the Tube carriage. I got off at the next stop and didn’t get on one again for a long while. That’s when the cycling took over seriously. I had to be in control. I can remember waiting to get on the tube a while later with a friend, watching the doors open, getting on with them and then getting back off again just as the doors were about to close. (If anyone can remember Mike Reid's Runaround from the 1970s/80s they will have an idea of the last minute jumping that took place! I just couldn’t do it, it felt too scary and my whole body had began to shake. I hurriedly paced up the escalators away from the station, my mind racing. I ended up frantically walking to my destination - a long walk - feeling helpless, embarrassed and overwhelmed. This became the norm for me for many years and began happening on train journeys too. If I did make it onto a train it would be a mental and physical ordeal. If the train ever stopped in between stations I would hold my breath and close my eyes and try and keep it together - not freak out. I can remember shaking with fear and my legs turning to jelly. It would be worse if I was standing and especially if the train was very busy - which it often used to be living in London and travelling at peak rush hour. Travelling in lifts was out of the question. I could not handle the prospect of being trapped in a tiny enclosed space with metal doors sealing me in. The same feelings would be triggered - unable to breathe, feeling trapped and desperate for the journey to end and the lift doors to open. I had the same experience camping several times. The zipping up of the tent at night had begun to trigger similar patterns of behaviour. The tent fear became a bit of a joke and we would try and make light of it but it felt overwhelming and upsetting. A similar feeling that there was not a sufficient amount of air available to breathe had began to grow every time I went camping. It lacked logic but that is how I felt. My first experience of panic in a tent was probably at Glastonbury festival in the mid 80s. I can vaguely remember waking up in the night and scrambling to get out, searching for and scratching around for the zip. As I say in the interview on the website this is one of the things I began to receive treatment for with homeopathy originally. My own successful experience with homeopathy led to me overcoming these fears, and are why I have a particular interest in trying to help others with issues around anxiety and panic attacks. If you are experiencing symptoms similar to the ones I have described, please feel free to contact me.